We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
