butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize