Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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