I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
