Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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