Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
