one two three fourrrrnication!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
