Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
