My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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