i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
