i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
