I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize