there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
