no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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