I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
