i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
