So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
