Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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