i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
