and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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