I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
