Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was like eating out sand paper
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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