Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you never un-have a 4some
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
