Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
