I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
