just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
