How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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