Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
