@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
