Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
