Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
