I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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