i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
