Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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