She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
