at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
