i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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