Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
