That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
