i permit you to call me
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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