I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
