Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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