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he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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