So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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