i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
