Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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