All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
