I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he was CRYING into my vagina
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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