It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
