the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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