we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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