I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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