i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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