I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
