my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am spending my child support on dildos
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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