I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
