Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
