Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
