I hate your face
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
