Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
