did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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