My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
