Is it because I queefed?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
