I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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