Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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