How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
