The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
