Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.

Fav 15 903 1997
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(402): View more from Nebraska

mmm whisky

(402): View more from Nebraska

reminds me of losing my job

Fav 3 1216 2974
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(757): View more from Virginia

it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again

Fav 29 5433 1975
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

Fav 19 7103 1440
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!

Fav 13 3011 1441
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?

Fav 7 2850 1166
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(205): View more from Alabama

Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.

Fav 6 3877 1121
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.

Fav 1 1103 590
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(541): View more from Oregon

He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.

Fav 2 53 46
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