it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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