my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
