Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
