How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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