the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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