So drunk its hurt
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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