You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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